i’m so torn right now.
cellbit needs a win so bad, he deserves one. i want his plan to work, i want him to bring back the eggs and find a way out of the island while destroying the federation. i want his plan to work.
but i also don’t want cellbit thinking that the parts of him that don’t feel as natural have less value because they weren’t the ones that won him this battle. i don’t want the confirmation that maybe, yeah, all he ever was good at is being violent. a killer. that this is the only way it will work.
because that’s the association that his mind will make.
i dont want him to fail either, because i don’t think he’s wrong. i don’t think there is a wrong or right way to win this, at this point, and i like the idea of the federation having to deal with the monster they created, having to deal with the consequences. i like the ideia of cellbit and roier covered in blood burning the whole island together.
he is a killer and a fighter and a survivor and he’s damn good at it.
but i want him to realize that it’s not because it’s hard fighting the urge to not be one that that it’s not really him. that, just because it feels like he’s swimming against the current sometimes, it means he’s going in the wrong direction. he made a choice to heal himself. he chose to accept richas as his child, he chose roier as his spouse, he chose felps, and forever, and pac, and mike as his family.
the things that are important to him are as much a part of him as his ability to hold a knife. drinking coffee is a copping mechanism to stay awake and suppress his bloodlust but it’s also the morning ritual with his son in the little plantation they made together, two rows each every single morning.
all of this is also him, and i don’t want him to forget that.
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Stay a child while you can be a child
